Navigating Life’s Transitions Together
By: Sarah Hatten, MA, LPC
Every relationship goes through rhythms and cycles, just like people do. Unlike actual seasons, these cycles aren’t always as easy to predict. In any relationship, whether romantic, platonic, family, or chosen, there will be moments when connection feels natural and everything feels easy, and at other times when it constantly feels like a struggle; this is when uncertainty can take over. These shifts aren’t necessarily signs of trouble; often, they’re simply part of being human together.
Life transitions, no matter the situation, can temporarily disrupt the balance between people. Moving to a new home, adjusting to health changes, switching careers, blending households, dealing with grief, or redefining family roles can affect our ability to connect. These changes may feel stressful; however, facing these moments together often strengthens the relationship. Tackling challenges as a team builds resilience, trust, and a shared confidence of “we’ve got this” that only experience can develop. What initially might seem like a test can later reveal the strength and endurance of the relationship.
Research by Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist who has studied couples for over 40 years, offers valuable insights into how relationships navigate such challenges. In his “Love Lab” studies, Gottman found that it isn’t whether couples experience conflict that predicts the health of their relationship, it’s how they manage it (Gottman, 1994; Gottman & Levenson, 2002). When stress is high, couples often fall into what Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” which are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Over time, these patterns erode trust and emotional safety. The antidotes, which are gentle start-ups, taking responsibility, expressing appreciation, and practicing self-soothing, help couples stay connected, even when discussing hard topics.
Gottman also discovered that couples who frequently “turn toward” each other in small moments such as. offering comfort, sharing humor, and showing curiosity, build what he calls an “emotional bank account.” When life’s challenges hit, these reserves make it easier to manage stress without feeling disconnected (Gottman & Silver, 2015).
Challenges occur when each person goes through a different “emotional season” during a transition. One person might feel ready to lean in and seek closeness, while another could need space to process or recharge. Without awareness, these differences may be mistaken for rejection or incompatibility. It’s essential that couples take the time to understand what the other is experiencing to navigate these moments of disconnect. The key is awareness and communication, which involves naming what’s happening inside without judgment. This approach not only prevents misunderstandings but also opens the door for empathy, helping both individuals support each other through their unique responses to change.
The truth is, relationships will inevitably change. But as they adapt to different seasons, they can grow richer and more resilient. Vulnerable conversations, compromise, and the willingness to navigate uncertainty together reveal hidden strengths. Challenges expose hidden strengths, even if they are uncomfortable and difficult to navigate. Whether partners learn new things about each other during a major life change, friends strengthen their connection during a health crisis, or family members find creative ways to stay close despite physical distance, these transitions can become shared victories.
Practical Ways to Navigate Change
If you or your relationships are navigating a life transition, these therapy-informed strategies can help:
Use gentle start-ups. When approaching a sensitive conversation, begin with “I feel” statements and avoid blaming others. This reduces defensiveness and increases understanding.
Identify your values. Spend time exploring what matters most to each of you. Discuss topics such as financial security, family time, and personal growth. Exploring these topics will help you identify where they align and differ, enabling you to gain a deeper understanding of each other.
Check in regularly. Short, consistent conversations about how each person is feeling during a change can prevent issues from building up.
Turn toward, not away. Notice and respond to bids for connection. Whether it’s a text, a smile, or an invitation to talk, these small moments help to build strong foundations.
Practice self-soothing. If you feel overwhelmed, take a break to calm your body before continuing a difficult discussion.
Seek outside support. Therapy provides a safe space to process transitions, develop skills, and strengthen your ability to navigate challenges together.
Life’s transitions can be uncomfortable, but they also present unique chances for growth, both personally and in our relationships. Every relationship has its own rhythm. With patience, curiosity, and the right tools, even the most stressful changes can become turning points that lead to deeper trust, stronger bonds, and a renewed sense of “we’re in this together.”