New Year, No Pressure: Softening vs. Reinventing
By: Gabrielle Soe, MA, ALMFT
5, 4, 3, 2, 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As we embark into yet another new year, we often think to ourselves, “What is my New Year’s resolution? What am I going to do differently this year?”
Or maybe it’s a quiet evening of drifting into sleep and waking up in the morning with no new things happening. Maybe it’s just another day. There is simply no urgency to reflect and to come up with newer ways to change. Just simply being you and doing whatever brings you joy and peace.
Most times in the US, we most likely reach towards making our New Year’s resolution. We often ask questions to our friends in search of new ideas and ways of connecting. “What are you going to do this year? What was your New Year’s resolution?” All collectively, as a group, perpetuating these expectations that we must all become a newly invented version of ourselves at the start of every new year. Not only are we creating this social pressure to be more motivated and active, but we are also making these efforts during the coldest, darkest, and slowest time of year.
Research so far suggests that within the winter months, people are most likely to do the exact opposite of change (Hohm et al., 2024). During the winter months, we tend to follow the natural tendency to give in to rest, our comforts, and to live slowly. We are more likely to fall into a form of isolation, staying inside away from the seasonal harsh elements, and may even experience the symptoms of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which create signficant impacts on our moods, diets, sleep, and energy levels.
Our bodies have a natural tendency to want to live quietly and slowly. In addition to this, we also face a social expectation to keep moving and to change into a different version of ourselves through commitments to New Year’s resolutions. When we acknowledge all of these forms of pressure clashing with our winter cues to slow down, who can blame us for feeling overwhelmed, stuck, numb, and unmotivated? It can feel as though our mind and body’s alarm is going off and creating a sense of confusion and unease.
This alarm is such an important system built right into our bodies. According to Polyvagal Theory and the concept of interoception, our nervous system works to continuously assess our environment and internal safety signals, while interoception plays a key role in allowing us to sense our body’s internal states (Candaş Demir & Hasateş, 2026). When we experience our nervous system’s fight-flight-freeze reactions, particularly the freeze response, it often shows up as sensations of numbness, low desire, stuckness, or lack of motivation. Our brain then continues to interpret these signals as a need to protect and support our body during times of felt stress and perceived threat.
Depending on what we have experienced and learned in our lives, particularly in how our bodies react and respond to world events, community impacts, or societal expectations, there are responses we should consider with care. Experiencing these responses in our bodies is a message that we all have the choice to slow down and listen to what we need for care and support. Especially if we carry trauma histories or sexual trauma where our bodies have a stronger, more reactive, nervous system response.
Healing often begins with pause, regulation, consent, and listening to our body rather than pushing for change or dismissing what we feel. Care toward ourselves should feel gentle, validating, and invitational. When our nervous system responds with freeze, we may need gentle reminders to slow down and offer our bodies safety through small acts of support.
Small practices can also show the body compassion and care through verbal acknowledgment and touch. Research such as “The Vagus Nerve and Yoga: Parasympathetic Activation Through Practice,” (Kaur et al., 2025), highlights how practices like breath-work, yoga, gentle movements, or soothing stretches support regulation. You may also voice affirmations aloud as reminders that you are safe and you are loved by you, your pets, plants, your friends, family, and chosen community.
There are many different ways to practice these things, and I invite you to get creative and find your own ways of building your soothing practices to soften this New Year’s season of reinvention.
As a helpful start, I challenge you to pause for this one moment to ask yourself, if it would be alright to take a moment to do a breathing practice with me, called Ocean Breath. You can plan to do this another time if it is not a good moment now, but if it is, let's try this breath together.
You may sit, lie, or stand in a comfortable position.
Gently open your mouth, begin slowly taking deep breaths in and out through your mouth.
As you are making your inhales, feel the cold air hitting the back of your throat and tongue.
Now gently constrict your throat muscles and allow part of your tongue to move up and down slightly with your breath.
You should start to hear a white noise-like sound through your breath.
Now continue constricting the same muscles, and gently close your mouth as you continue to breathe through your diaphragm and nose.
This will produce a sound similar to the ocean!
Continue to breathe for 5 minutes or however long you would like. Continue to breathe and attend to your body’s sensations of breathing and listen to the sounds of the ocean.